Leaning Out of Toxicity and Into Positivity

We’ve all heard the word toxic which can be used to describe many people, places, or things throughout our lives. If you look up toxicity in the dictionary you will find the definition to explain it as: “ The quality of being toxic or poisonous.”

Let’s face it, we have all been and will continue to be presented with toxic people, places, and things at some point or another, it’s how we respond to these that can make or break us.

Recently, I made a decision to lean out of a toxic family relationship in order to lean into more positivity in my life. This was not an easy decision for me to make, but it has definitely been a wonderful growth and learning experience. This relationship was something that had been mostly toxic for a greater part of my life and with God’s help, I have been able to see things more clearly now than I’ve ever been able to.

Toxic relationships can consist of many things: Passive-Aggressiveness, Manipulation, Anger Outbursts, Guilt Trips, Ignoring/Excluding, Constant Criticism, Always looking for something to be mad at the other person for, Incessant button pushing in order to get a rise out of the other person, Not taking responsibility for one’s actions in the relationship, Lack of encouragement, and Turning things around on the other person to make all of the issues their fault. Any of these sound familiar to you? If so, here are some things to think about and try in order to make the situation better or break free from it temporarily or long-term.

First, consider how long this has been going on and with whom or what. Has it been more rewarding or more draining and stressful to engage with this person or in this situation? How do you feel after you  have talked with this person or participated in the situation? Do you find yourself having to jump through hoops and perform a circus act in order for things to go smoothly? Do you dread the encounter or conversation? Do you feel like you have to walk on egg shells or consistently navigate and re-navigate this person or situation? How has this affected your health and happiness? How has it affected other people and areas of your life?

After assessing the above, it’s important to ask yourself how much more energy you want to put into it and take away from other people and things that could be adding more positivity to your life. 

If you feel the relationship or situation is worth more energy, then you can try talking to the person or going about the situation differently than you have in the past such as writing a letter. If you have already tried doing this one or more times, then maybe it is time to try distancing yourself or seeking guidance from someone else about the person or situation.

The bottom line is that it really is OK to lean out and separate yourself from people or situations that do not help to create positivity and peace in your life. Nothing or no one is worth being in a consistent state of turmoil.

Life is short, so grow, learn, explore, and find and spread positivity wherever you go!

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this blog or others.

Many blessings, health, and happiness to you,

Joelle❤️

Holidays, Family, & Forgiveness

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” so the song sings, but is it?

For many people, it’s the most dreaded, painful, heartbreaking, aggravating, you name it, time of year. Not only are we going through our regular daily routines, but we’re also hustling and bustling here, there, and everywhere trying to find the perfect gift, Christmas tree, appetizer, etc. for our holiday get-togethers. If that wasn’t enough, add some family challenges to that and Christmastime is complete.

Most people have at least one or two family members that no matter what they do, they can never satisfy the other or maybe their energies/personalities just don’t quite mesh a lot of the time, maybe they’ve even stopped communicating or drastically reduced it. Then, the holidays roll around and the emotional bells start ringing about how to proceed.

Over the years, I’ve been learning much about how precious, fast, and short life is and that we are all going to have to deal with difficult people at some point, including in our own families. Let’s face it, we may even be or have been in the past, that difficult person. But ask yourself these questions: Am I growing? Am I willing to continue to grow and learn (even from difficult people), Am I practicing what I’m preaching and posting on social media about God, kindness, love, life, etc.?

Years ago, I was listening to a sermon in church about loving others and treating people with kindness. The pastor said that it’s great for us to be showing those qualities to the community and such, but the place it should start is in our own families.

What good is it if we preach and post about God and kindness, but then withhold love from our own family? Maybe it’s a passive-aggressive remark, not writing Love at the end of a letter, refusing to call that person first, talking negatively about them to others, favoring other siblings or family members to try and hurt the person more, being difficult to get together with, not bothering at all, not responding to a text, the list goes on and on.

So what can we do to constructively navigate these situations and relationships?

1. Acknowledge your part in the relationship even if it appears to be less of the problem than theirs.

2. Try to correct as best you can, areas you’ve erred in.

3. Extend forgiveness, its freeing, they may not be operating with the same mindset or relational abilities you have.

4. Watch Madea’s FriendshipTree, it’s a great illustration of what to do when you’ve done everything you could possibly do and the other party isn’t receptive.

5. Don’t drain your energy trying to jump through hoops to please that person or persons, chances are, they aren’t easily pleased and are probably unhappy and insecure in their own lives in more areas than one.

6. Come to the realization that you may not ever convince them of your worth, they just aren’t going to buy what you’re selling, period.

7. Love them from a distance, reach out when you truly feel you want to without forcing yourself.

8. Dumb down your expectations, expect that they’re not going to welcome you with open arms and be overjoyed that you’re reaching out to them.

9. You may even have to just stay away if the relationship becomes too hostile, but knowing you’ve done your best, be at peace with it.

10. Lastly, if possible, try and practice the end part in the original Home Alone movie; we sure can learn a lot from the eyes and hearts of children’s feedback to us. In case it’s not ringing a bell, watch the part where the older man speaks to Kevin in the church and then reconciles with his son later.

Most importantly, learn from the experience, be different, appreciate your own worth, and put energy into those relationships that bring you joy and fill you up, be that for others.

Merry Christmas and many blessings to you,

Joelle

Freespira for Anxiety & Panic Attacks

Now offering Freespira information and brief training for anxiety and panic attacks.

Freespira is an FDA-cleared Digital therapeutic device that reduces or eliminates panic attacks and other panic symptoms. 

It corrects the underlying physiological component of panic attacks and takes only one month to complete requiring two 17-minute sessions daily and delivers long-lasting results. 

85% of patients in clinical trials were free of panic attacks immediately post treatment and 81% were free of panic attacks at 12 months post treatment.

It is an at-home, medication-free treatment that can be used in conjunction with medication and/or psychotherapy.

Treatment and device paid for by insurance. Ask me about Freespira today!

Vacations & Restoration

Summer is in full swing! I love the sun, warm air, picnics, and spending lots of time with my kids and other family and friends. Everything seems to just feel better however, summer is also a very active time and sometimes I need to remind myself to step back and slow down for a moment and not get too caught up in the busyness.

Every summer during the 4th of July, we travel to Clearwater, Florida to spend time with my Uncle Ray, his wife, and my cousins. We’ve been doing this for several years now and we all look forward to and cherish it very much. We go boating, fish, eat dinner together every night, go to the beach, drive to some type of amusement park for 1 day, and towards the end of the week, we have a big ice-cream Sundae night! I am so thankful that we get to experience this and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

Vacationing allows me to decompress and be in the moment more than I usually am and when we return home, it takes me a couple days to get back to our normal routine, but I feel restored and refreshed, ready to continue with everyday life.

In a perfect world, one would always be able to vacation when needed, but realistically, that’s not always possible.

A few things I find helpful to continue the vacation restoration feeling are to enjoy the little things each day, a cup of warm green tea with raw honey, the sunset, staring up at the clouds, taking a few minutes just to smell the air and listen for the birds, watching as lightening bugs gently light up the evening, a relaxing shower and fresh, cool sheets to climb into. Anything that warms the heart and sparks a smile can feel like a vacation from life even for just a moment.

I’d love to hear where you vacation and what makes you feel restored!

May summer bring you much happiness, health, and blessings,

Joelle

Renewing Your Body, Mind, and Spirit Through Outdoor Therapy

Summer is finally on its way, everything is lush and green, the temperature is above freezing, and my flowers are in full bloom! I love the smell of lilac bushes, wildflowers, and fresh cut grass, its such a light and airy time of year.

I also look forward to having therapy sessions with my clients outdoors. For the past 3 years,I have been offering this type of treatment and its gaining more interest. I have a small area with a café table on a deck nestled privately between trees and bushes that allows for comfort and relaxation while enjoying nature’s sounds and beauty as we talk. I also enjoy walking around the vast area near my office building, as some clients enjoy movement while working through challenges.

Outdoor therapy is a type of therapy that uses nature to help modify behavior and encourage self-exploration and improvement. Sometimes, it can be adventure-based and other times, it can be what I described above.

There are many reasons to consider an outdoor session:

1. Research has shown that it reduces stress by renewing mindfulness.

2. It creates connection, meaningfulness, and purpose.

3. Children and Teens benefit more than any other population, especially in academic performance.

4. It reduces anxiety and depression.

5. It reduces the risk of disease or might I add dis-ease.

Recently, I’ve been encouraging all of my clients to try at least one session this summer in order to evaluate the benefits for their situation. After each session, I ask for feedback about how they feel it was different from indoors, if they thought it to be beneficial, and how it was helpful. I’ve been getting good feedback about their ability to relax into the session more quickly, increased feelings of calm at the end, and some have just been happy to be outside , as that was the only chance they would get for the day.

I have a small sign on the table that says: “Come as You Are”, I invite YOU, to come as YOU are and experience this unique and restorative session.

Your feedback and questions are always welcome and I hope to see you over the summer!

Blessings, Health, and Happiness to You,

Joelle

Pursuing Patience

Ah, patience, the beautiful word that can be one’s biggest challenge and greatest aggravation!

The dictionary’s definition of patience is: The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

I don’t know about you, but this is not always easy for me, I get a thought or idea in my head about something I want or need to get done or something I would like to buy, a place I’d like to go, etc., etc. and BAM, the urgency begins!

Most recently, my  husband and I have been looking for property to build another home, we’ve been searching for what feels like eons, but in reality it’s only been several months. We had found what we thought was going to be the perfect place for our family, even put money down on the property and signed a contract with Wayne Homes. Only for it to fall through a few days later as the person selling the property changed their mind. This was not easy for me to accept, lots of questions and emotions swirled around in my mind for days and even weeks. However, then I realized that maybe God has something better for us and that maybe He is testing my patience for a reason.

Hurrying anything along can be detrimental to the grandeur plan often times. What I’ve been learning to do is to trust God and bloom where I am for however long I’m there. Enjoying the journey and the little things about each day while continuing to move forward. I’m learning that just like anything else, patience is something to be pursued. You don’t just somehow “arrive” and voila, patience is mastered. You have to keep pursuing it, practicing it, and learning it a little at a time each day, it has to be nurtured and taken care of or it will end up on a dusty shelf in great need of care.

So, as we continue our pursuit of land-hunting, I will also continue to pursue that which helps to provide blessings in God’s due time.

I’d love to hear your stories of patience and any feedback about this article. I also wouldn’t mind if you mentioned a nice property for sale in Unity Township, PA ;)

Many Blessings to You!

Joelle

Friends Forever?

What comes to mind when you think of friendship? Kindness, someone to talk to, someone to spend time with?

For me, the definition of friendship has remained the same, yet evolved and matured over the years, becoming more important as I journeyed through my 30’s and have now entered into my 40’s.

As I look back upon some memories of childhood friendships, school friends, college friends, family friends, and adulthood friends, certain things stand out to me. Like which friends I could always be myself around, friends that were loyal, friends I could laugh with, and count on even when we didn’t see each other all the time (My cousin Joann says those are your best friends). I’ve come to realize those friendships are hard to find and should be cherished.

I’ve also realized the types of friendships that aren’t appealing to me. Friends that are only there when things are going well, friends that are shallow and self-serving, friends that aren’t able to communicate honestly when they feel hurt by something I may or may not have done, and friends that are just plain too much work to be friends with (all one-sided).

Someone once showed me the video of Madea’s Friendship tree, it was instrumental in helping me to make sense of a 7 year friendship that had recently ended. I strongly encourage everyone to take a look, if you’ve never seen it, as it can apply to love relationships too.

I once read a devotional about the gift of good friendships, I think it accurately sums up what I’m trying to say. It said that” Good friends don’t abandon us when external circumstances change, they stay with us through the good and the bad days. They remain loyal through the good, the bad, and the ugly and they are gift from God.”

Be thankful for the good ones and let go of the not so good ones, trust me, its freeing! Tell me your thoughts about friendships, I’d love to hear from you!

Blessings, Health, and Happiness to You Always,

Joelle