10 Steps to Move Forward After Loss
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November 4th will be one year since my nana passed away suddenly; she held a big part of my heart and losing her has been anything, but easy. I remember getting the call that morning that she had been taken to the hospital and things didn’t look good. I rushed as fast as I could to get my twins ready for school and then received another call that I needed to come now. I sped as fast as I could, praying for her to just hold on until I could get there. Somehow, I felt like if she heard my voice, she would wake up just like she always had in times past.
When I got there, they wanted me to wait in a room, I was so frantic that I had my mom watch my children and I was able to get back to her room in the ER. When I saw her, I said: “Nana!” She didn’t wake up and the nurses continued putting her on life support. My heart crumbled and I began to sob, the nurses tried to comfort me as they so graciously worked around me.
The next few days were a blur and God gave me the strength to hold everything together. Every night for weeks, I would cry in the shower trying to make sense of it all and get used to the new normal.
As the weeks went by and turned into months, I began searching for positive ways to move forward while allowing myself to grieve. Thinking of good times and words of wisdom she had taught me throughout my life helped me to begin my journey without her.
I’d like to offer you some ways to move forward after a loss. Although I can’t promise it will always be easy, it is doable and can help ease the pain.
Embrace the hurt, allow yourself to feel your feelings.
Let your feelings out, whether alone or with someone you feel comfortable with. Your mind and body need this release.
Write it all down, every thought, feeling, and/or memory that you can think of.
Pray.
Put a nice picture of that person somewhere you can see it each day. I have a beautiful picture of my nana on my kitchen window sill from her 80th birthday party we had for her 2 months before she passed.
Even if you think they can’t hear you, talk to them, tell them how much you miss them. I talk to my nana’s picture often, it helps to just say what I feel.
If you’re able to, visit their grave. My nana is buried in a mausoleum and on her birthday, my children and I went there and then went and had ice-cream at one of her favorite places in order to celebrate her memory.
Find a therapist that you can talk to, never underestimate the power of a good therapy session. There’s no shame in it, I have one that I see monthly.
Go to church where you can be lifted up in God’s word and by other believers.
Do something charitable in their memory. This year, my therapist gave me a flyer to put in my office about a charity called: Soup for a Claus. Ironically enough, it takes place on November 4th from Noon-3pm on the anniversary of her passing. Proceeds go to under privileged children, tickets can be purchased in advance for $10.00 by mailing a check to Trib Total Media, 210 Fourth Avenue, Tarentum, PA 15084 or by calling: 412-320-7956. Children 5 and under are free.
I hope you will try some of these suggestions and that they will help you move forward in your new journey.
How do you grieve? What’s been helpful for you? As always, I’d love to hear from you and welcome and questions or feedback.
Many blessings, and much health and happiness to you,
Joelle