Gratefulness in the Grief

As we approach the season of Thanksgiving, I want to take a moment to talk about gratefulness through times of grief and sorrow.

November 4 will be eight years since my Nana left this earth. Nana was my person, she was my biggest cheerleader, and I was her sunshine. She was the best prayer warrior I’ve ever known, when she prayed, things always seemed to get better.

She taught me how to pray without ceasing, even for a parking space. She taught me about forgiveness and to look beyond outward appearances, often saying: “You never know what’s in a person‘s heart.”

Nana also taught me about perseverance, no matter what as she would also often say: “Keep believing, look up, don’t look down.”

When she died suddenly, it took the joy out of my heart and the wind out of my wings for a minute.

One day, I was sitting in my office chair, missing her, and I heard her words, “You’ve gotta go on with your life” (another wise thing she would say to me just when I needed it). Go figure that her words would echo in my mind yet again at the perfect time…

So, I started thinking about what I could do to honor her memory. One thing has been to continue sharing her wise sayings and  the other is to continue spreading kindness as she often did. I’m so grateful for all she did for and taught me throughout my life.

Maybe some of the following ideas can help you to honor your loved one that’s no longer here:

• Anonymously buy someone’s meal on the anniversary of their birthday or passing.

• Write them a letter of gratitude, put it in a balloon and release it.

• Listen to their favorite music.

• Put their pictures some place you’ll see each day and talk to them.

• Share their life story and how they added to your life.

• Release lanterns.

Whatever you decide to do, just remember our hearts can be grateful even when we’re grieving.

Keep believing!

Joelle ❤️

Divorce, Parents, and the Kids that Get Stuck in the Middle

This is my first blog post in quite some time, and it feels great to be back.

We all know at least one family that’s been through the challenges of divorce. Mudslinging, anger, hurt, resentment, side-picking, the list goes on and on.

But what about the kids that get stuck in the middle? The ones that feel like they must choose sides like a team sport. The kids that feel like it’s not loyal to love or have a relationship with the parent who is allegedly to blame for everything? 

I’m here to tell you from professional and personal experience, these kids should never have to carry the above burdens, it places unnecessary stress, and angst on top of all the confusing emotions they’re already feeling. The best thing parents, family members, and friends can do is encourage and support the kids throughout their journey. 

Encouraging kids to have a relationship with both parents is healthy and helps them to know that it’s OK to love both parents even if they’re angry or don’t agree with one or both.

Most importantly, parents should be as amicable as possible. Refraining from negative talk in front of them helps them to see that even though their relationship is different now, they can still get along.

It’s also important not to engage in negative talk about the other parent with friends, family, or neighbors during visitation when the kids are within earshot. I’d like to add the importance of a parent’s girlfriend or boyfriend not making negative comments about the other parent in front of the kids either. Stay tuned for a future blog on that subject. When either parent talks negatively about the other in front of the kids, it’s awkward and uncomfortable. It’s inadvertently criticizing the kids as they are a combination of both parents.

Kids just need to know that their job isn’t to worry about the divorce and custody. They need to know that each parent loves them as they always have and that everything will be okay.

You see, when the parents are okay, it helps the kids to be okay. This helps them continue to thrive and grow into successful, well-adjusted adults that know how to navigate various challenges in life in a healthy manner.

Parents don’t put or allow your kids to be in the middle of something they’re not meant to be in the middle of. Family and friends, regardless of whom you agree with, don’t contribute to putting kids in the middle or encourage them to dislike or not have a relationship with the other parent, you’re not helping, you’re hurting.

Encourage, support, and guide these kids, that’s what they really need.

Many blessings, health, and happiness to you.

Joelle ❤️

Neck & Shoulders Guided Meditation

Leaning Out of Toxicity and Into Positivity

We’ve all heard the word toxic which can be used to describe many people, places, or things throughout our lives. If you look up toxicity in the dictionary you will find the definition to explain it as: “ The quality of being toxic or poisonous.”

Let’s face it, we have all been and will continue to be presented with toxic people, places, and things at some point or another, it’s how we respond to these that can make or break us.

Recently, I made a decision to lean out of a toxic family relationship in order to lean into more positivity in my life. This was not an easy decision for me to make, but it has definitely been a wonderful growth and learning experience. This relationship was something that had been mostly toxic for a greater part of my life and with God’s help, I have been able to see things more clearly now than I’ve ever been able to.

Toxic relationships can consist of many things: Passive-Aggressiveness, Manipulation, Anger Outbursts, Guilt Trips, Ignoring/Excluding, Constant Criticism, Always looking for something to be mad at the other person for, Incessant button pushing in order to get a rise out of the other person, Not taking responsibility for one’s actions in the relationship, Lack of encouragement, and Turning things around on the other person to make all of the issues their fault. Any of these sound familiar to you? If so, here are some things to think about and try in order to make the situation better or break free from it temporarily or long-term.

First, consider how long this has been going on and with whom or what. Has it been more rewarding or more draining and stressful to engage with this person or in this situation? How do you feel after you  have talked with this person or participated in the situation? Do you find yourself having to jump through hoops and perform a circus act in order for things to go smoothly? Do you dread the encounter or conversation? Do you feel like you have to walk on egg shells or consistently navigate and re-navigate this person or situation? How has this affected your health and happiness? How has it affected other people and areas of your life?

After assessing the above, it’s important to ask yourself how much more energy you want to put into it and take away from other people and things that could be adding more positivity to your life. 

If you feel the relationship or situation is worth more energy, then you can try talking to the person or going about the situation differently than you have in the past such as writing a letter. If you have already tried doing this one or more times, then maybe it is time to try distancing yourself or seeking guidance from someone else about the person or situation.

The bottom line is that it really is OK to lean out and separate yourself from people or situations that do not help to create positivity and peace in your life. Nothing or no one is worth being in a consistent state of turmoil.

Life is short, so grow, learn, explore, and find and spread positivity wherever you go!

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this blog or others.

Many blessings, health, and happiness to you,

Joelle❤️

Holidays, Family, & Forgiveness

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” so the song sings, but is it?

For many people, it’s the most dreaded, painful, heartbreaking, aggravating, you name it, time of year. Not only are we going through our regular daily routines, but we’re also hustling and bustling here, there, and everywhere trying to find the perfect gift, Christmas tree, appetizer, etc. for our holiday get-togethers. If that wasn’t enough, add some family challenges to that and Christmastime is complete.

Most people have at least one or two family members that no matter what they do, they can never satisfy the other or maybe their energies/personalities just don’t quite mesh a lot of the time, maybe they’ve even stopped communicating or drastically reduced it. Then, the holidays roll around and the emotional bells start ringing about how to proceed.

Over the years, I’ve been learning much about how precious, fast, and short life is and that we are all going to have to deal with difficult people at some point, including in our own families. Let’s face it, we may even be or have been in the past, that difficult person. But ask yourself these questions: Am I growing? Am I willing to continue to grow and learn (even from difficult people), Am I practicing what I’m preaching and posting on social media about God, kindness, love, life, etc.?

Years ago, I was listening to a sermon in church about loving others and treating people with kindness. The pastor said that it’s great for us to be showing those qualities to the community and such, but the place it should start is in our own families.

What good is it if we preach and post about God and kindness, but then withhold love from our own family? Maybe it’s a passive-aggressive remark, not writing Love at the end of a letter, refusing to call that person first, talking negatively about them to others, favoring other siblings or family members to try and hurt the person more, being difficult to get together with, not bothering at all, not responding to a text, the list goes on and on.

So what can we do to constructively navigate these situations and relationships?

1. Acknowledge your part in the relationship even if it appears to be less of the problem than theirs.

2. Try to correct as best you can, areas you’ve erred in.

3. Extend forgiveness, its freeing, they may not be operating with the same mindset or relational abilities you have.

4. Watch Madea’s FriendshipTree, it’s a great illustration of what to do when you’ve done everything you could possibly do and the other party isn’t receptive.

5. Don’t drain your energy trying to jump through hoops to please that person or persons, chances are, they aren’t easily pleased and are probably unhappy and insecure in their own lives in more areas than one.

6. Come to the realization that you may not ever convince them of your worth, they just aren’t going to buy what you’re selling, period.

7. Love them from a distance, reach out when you truly feel you want to without forcing yourself.

8. Dumb down your expectations, expect that they’re not going to welcome you with open arms and be overjoyed that you’re reaching out to them.

9. You may even have to just stay away if the relationship becomes too hostile, but knowing you’ve done your best, be at peace with it.

10. Lastly, if possible, try and practice the end part in the original Home Alone movie; we sure can learn a lot from the eyes and hearts of children’s feedback to us. In case it’s not ringing a bell, watch the part where the older man speaks to Kevin in the church and then reconciles with his son later.

Most importantly, learn from the experience, be different, appreciate your own worth, and put energy into those relationships that bring you joy and fill you up, be that for others.

Merry Christmas and many blessings to you,

Joelle

Freespira for Anxiety & Panic Attacks

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85% of patients in clinical trials were free of panic attacks immediately post treatment and 81% were free of panic attacks at 12 months post treatment.

It is an at-home, medication-free treatment that can be used in conjunction with medication and/or psychotherapy.

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Vacations & Restoration

Summer is in full swing! I love the sun, warm air, picnics, and spending lots of time with my kids and other family and friends. Everything seems to just feel better however, summer is also a very active time and sometimes I need to remind myself to step back and slow down for a moment and not get too caught up in the busyness.

Every summer during the 4th of July, we travel to Clearwater, Florida to spend time with my Uncle Ray, his wife, and my cousins. We’ve been doing this for several years now and we all look forward to and cherish it very much. We go boating, fish, eat dinner together every night, go to the beach, drive to some type of amusement park for 1 day, and towards the end of the week, we have a big ice-cream Sundae night! I am so thankful that we get to experience this and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

Vacationing allows me to decompress and be in the moment more than I usually am and when we return home, it takes me a couple days to get back to our normal routine, but I feel restored and refreshed, ready to continue with everyday life.

In a perfect world, one would always be able to vacation when needed, but realistically, that’s not always possible.

A few things I find helpful to continue the vacation restoration feeling are to enjoy the little things each day, a cup of warm green tea with raw honey, the sunset, staring up at the clouds, taking a few minutes just to smell the air and listen for the birds, watching as lightening bugs gently light up the evening, a relaxing shower and fresh, cool sheets to climb into. Anything that warms the heart and sparks a smile can feel like a vacation from life even for just a moment.

I’d love to hear where you vacation and what makes you feel restored!

May summer bring you much happiness, health, and blessings,

Joelle