Holidays, Family, & Forgiveness
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“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” so the song sings, but is it?
For many people, it’s the most dreaded, painful, heartbreaking, aggravating, you name it, time of year. Not only are we going through our regular daily routines, but we’re also hustling and bustling here, there, and everywhere trying to find the perfect gift, Christmas tree, appetizer, etc. for our holiday get-togethers. If that wasn’t enough, add some family challenges to that and Christmastime is complete.
Most people have at least one or two family members that no matter what they do, they can never satisfy the other or maybe their energies/personalities just don’t quite mesh a lot of the time, maybe they’ve even stopped communicating or drastically reduced it. Then, the holidays roll around and the emotional bells start ringing about how to proceed.
Over the years, I’ve been learning much about how precious, fast, and short life is and that we are all going to have to deal with difficult people at some point, including in our own families. Let’s face it, we may even be or have been in the past, that difficult person. But ask yourself these questions: Am I growing? Am I willing to continue to grow and learn (even from difficult people), Am I practicing what I’m preaching and posting on social media about God, kindness, love, life, etc.?
Years ago, I was listening to a sermon in church about loving others and treating people with kindness. The pastor said that it’s great for us to be showing those qualities to the community and such, but the place it should start is in our own families.
What good is it if we preach and post about God and kindness, but then withhold love from our own family? Maybe it’s a passive-aggressive remark, not writing Love at the end of a letter, refusing to call that person first, talking negatively about them to others, favoring other siblings or family members to try and hurt the person more, being difficult to get together with, not bothering at all, not responding to a text, the list goes on and on.
So what can we do to constructively navigate these situations and relationships?
Acknowledge your part in the relationship even if it appears to be less of the problem than theirs.
Try to correct as best you can, areas you’ve erred in.
Extend forgiveness, its freeing, they may not be operating with the same mindset or relational abilities you have.
Watch Madea’s FriendshipTree, it’s a great illustration of what to do when you’ve done everything you could possibly do and the other party isn’t receptive.
Don’t drain your energy trying to jump through hoops to please that person or persons, chances are, they aren’t easily pleased and are probably unhappy and insecure in their own lives in more areas than one.
Come to the realization that you may not ever convince them of your worth, they just aren’t going to buy what you’re selling, period.
Love them from a distance, reach out when you truly feel you want to without forcing yourself.
Dumb down your expectations, expect that they’re not going to welcome you with open arms and be overjoyed that you’re reaching out to them.
You may even have to just stay away if the relationship becomes too hostile, but knowing you’ve done your best, be at peace with it.
Lastly, if possible, try and practice the end part in the original Home Alone movie; we sure can learn a lot from the eyes and hearts of children’s feedback to us. In case it’s not ringing a bell, watch the part where the older man speaks to Kevin in the church and then reconciles with his son later.
Most importantly, learn from the experience, be different, appreciate your own worth, and put energy into those relationships that bring you joy and fill you up, be that for others.
Merry Christmas and many blessings to you,
Joelle