10 Steps to Move Forward After Loss

November 4th will be one year since my nana passed away suddenly; she held a big part of my heart and losing her has been anything, but easy. I remember getting the call that morning that she had been taken to the hospital and things didn’t look good. I rushed as fast as I could to get my twins ready for school and then received another call that I needed to come now. I sped as fast as I could, praying for her to just hold on until I could get there. Somehow, I felt like if she heard my voice, she would wake up just like she always had in times past.

When I got there, they wanted me to wait in a room, I was so frantic that I had my mom watch my children and I was able to get back to her room in the ER. When I saw her, I said: “Nana!” She didn’t wake up and the nurses continued putting her on life support. My heart crumbled and I began to sob, the nurses tried to comfort me as they so graciously worked around me.

The next few days were a blur and God gave me the strength to hold everything together. Every night for weeks, I would cry in the shower trying to make sense of it all and get used to the new normal.

As the weeks went by and turned into months, I began searching for positive ways to move forward while allowing myself to grieve. Thinking of good times and words of wisdom she had taught me throughout my life helped me to begin my journey without her.

I’d like to offer you some ways to move forward after a loss. Although I can’t promise it will always be easy, it is doable and can help ease the pain.

1. Embrace the hurt, allow yourself to feel your feelings.

2. Let your feelings out, whether alone or with someone you feel comfortable with. Your mind and body need this release.

3. Write it all down, every thought, feeling, and/or memory that you can think of.

4. Pray.

5. Put a nice picture of that person somewhere you can see it each day. I have a beautiful picture of my nana on my kitchen window sill from her 80th birthday party we had for her 2 months before she passed.

6. Even if you think they can’t hear you, talk to them, tell them how much you miss them. I talk to my nana’s picture often, it helps to just say what I feel.

7. If you’re able to, visit their grave. My nana is buried in a mausoleum and on her birthday, my children and I went there and then went and had ice-cream at one of her favorite places in order to celebrate her memory.

8. Find a therapist that you can talk to, never underestimate the power of a good therapy session. There’s no shame in it, I have one that I see monthly.

9. Go to church where you can be lifted up in God’s word and by other believers.

10. Do something charitable in their memory. This year, my therapist gave me a flyer to put in my office about a charity called: Soup for a Claus. Ironically enough, it takes place on November 4th from Noon-3pm on the anniversary of her passing. Proceeds go to under privileged children, tickets can be purchased in advance for $10.00 by mailing a check to Trib Total Media, 210 Fourth Avenue, Tarentum, PA 15084 or by calling: 412-320-7956. Children 5 and under are free.

I hope you will try some of these suggestions and that they will help you move forward in your new journey.

How do you grieve? What’s been helpful for you? As always, I’d love to hear from you and welcome and questions or feedback.

Many blessings, and much health and happiness to you,

Joelle

3 Places That Will Make You Flock to Pennsylvania to Boost Your Mental Health

[Guest post by Jennifer Scott. Jennifer is a life coach and blogger from Walnut, CA. You can learn more about her at Spiritfinder.org or email her at jennifer@spiritfinder.org Thanks for contributing, Jennifer!]

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Practicing self-care and boosting your mental health can do a world of good for your overall well-being. If you suffer chronic stress, your muscles are tense for prolonged periods and trigger stress-related disorders like tension headaches and migraines. You also breathe more heavily and can trigger pre-existing conditions such as asthma or emphysema, or you can experience hyperventilation that triggers panic attacks.

Other physical effects of chronic stress include long-term issues for your heart and blood vessels, gastrointestinal issues, and reproductive problems. That’s why you need to take steps to improve your mental health.

If you only know Pennsylvania for Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, you may not consider it a mecca for mental health because of the hustle and bustle of the cities. But, Pennsylvania is a gorgeous state teeming with state parks and nature preserves, beautiful bodies of water, and retreats that will help you unwind and unplug. There are hundreds of destinations across the Keystone State that can improve your mental health, and we share a few of our favorites.

1. Historic Sites That Welcome You to Take in the Scenery at Your Own Pace

Walking not only benefits your physical health by burning calories to combat obesity and reduce the risk of heart disease, but it also relieves stress. Walking calms the brain, and walking in natural areas puts it into a meditative state.

Moreover, walking in nature and spending time outdoors relieves stress and improves memory, attention, and energy levels. It also increases endorphins that reduce stress hormones and combat depression.

For these reasons, visiting historic sites in Pennsylvania that welcome you to walk and learn at your own pace is an ideal way to boost your mental health. Historic sites like Eckley’s Miners Village, where you can walk the grounds of the historic village and learn about coal mining in the 1840s and 1850s, is an ideal destination for those seeking a mental health boost.

Gettysburg is another perfect historic place to visit in Pennsylvania; walk the battlefields, participate in the historic Gettysburg walking tour, and learn more about life during the Civil War. 

2. Bodies of Water That Invite You to Relax

Many people head to the ocean when they want to relax, but Pennsylvanians know that kayaking on one of the many streams or rivers or renting a boat on Lake Erie is a way to avoid the crowds and relieve stress more effectively. There are many vessel options on Lake Erie, from jet skis to fishing boats, to kayaks and canoes, to paddleboards.

If you prefer to relax beside the water instead of on it, spend time at Presque Isle State Park. A National Natural Landmark and a top PA vacation destination, Presque Isle State Park features sandy beaches and outdoor recreation for relaxation seekers. Visitors can swim, boat, bike, surf, or fish. If retail therapy boosts your mood, enjoy spending time at Presque Isle Gallery & Gifts in the Tom Ridge Environmental Center (TREC).

3. Retreats to Rent for a Weekend or an Extended Stay

Because nature has the power to boost your mental health, immersing yourself in the great outdoors by renting a retreat for a few days is an ideal choice for people who want to unplug. You may choose a bed and breakfast, spa-type retreat, or cabin depending on the type of getaway you prefer to help you relieve stress. Pack some books, your favorite snacks and beverages, and prepare to enjoy some time in the PA mountains.

Many of the retreats in the Pennsylvania mountains are mere steps from hiking and biking trails, so you also can relieve stress by walking or pedaling through the Keystone State. Best of all, Pennsylvania is gorgeous during all four seasons, so you can plan a trip any time of year. In fact, you may want to make a quarterly reservation so you can watch your favorite spot transform itself from one season to the next.

Spending time away from the routine and stress of daily life is an ideal way to boost mental health. Pennsylvania is one of the best destinations for doing just that, thanks to its historic sites that feature walking tours, bodies of water that promote relaxation, and retreats that take you away from it all.